Two Hands

I recently read about a very powerful practice in David Richo's The Five Things We Cannot Change.  It has been helpful for me in both my study of the duality inherent in Buddhism and in living my own life more mindfully.  This practice as described empowers me to takes seeming opposites and holds them both equally.  He uses the example of fear.

Fear can easily lead to a reactionary response, a conditioned response to avoid fear, anxiety, danger.  If I am afraid of what others may think I may act to control the situation by reacting and doing something to please others.  If I am mindful and use this practice I may act in a manner that recognizes this fear, and also honors my own needs and commitments.

I can hold my fear in one hand and my commitment to no longer act in a fear-based way in the other.  Somehow that combination seems more doable than no fear at all.

He continues:

A useful spiritual practice in any predicament is to hold both hands out, cupped, palms upward, and imagine them holding just such opposites.  We feel the light and equal weight of both, since our hands are empty.  We then say, for example, "I can serenely hold both my need for relationship and my not having one right now."

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I have found that sometimes when I implement this practice I may act in the same manner as if I reacted, however when I mindfully act in this way I find that I am not tied to an outcome, but rather engaged in a process.  I am sure of my motives and I am not ashamed of my actions.

I honor myself by being true to myself and my own unique experience of the world.

David Richo emphasizes holding the current situation in one hand and the "power to work with it" in the other.  By doing both of these things we are able to honor our experience, but not be trapped in it.  It is a practice that acknowleges difficulties and also builds competene and self-esteem by working with difficulties as opposed to against them or in a way that avoids discomfort in our experience.  The later being impossible (see First Noble Truth).

Since this is a blog about Buddhism I will add that the seemingly opposite truth that my self, my being, my experience, etc. are also illusion.  I can hold these two truths serenely and with love in my heart.

Buddhism also teaches about dependent arising, impermanence and no-self.  In reflecting on this exercise I realize that it has been the recognition that two people having different experiences and truths can be equally "right."  The teachings of Buddhism seem to be pointing out that one person holding two "opposing" thoughts is similar to two people having unique experiences.  Both can be equally true.