Great Compassion

I attended a Dharma Talk today and was moved during the Q&A that followed to ask for guidance in an aspect of my life that I have been working with intimately for some time now: Compassion. This is a concept that includes both a recognition of suffering in others and a desire to alleviate such suffering.

For a long time I thought that I knew what compassion meant.  To me it was empathy.  It meant understanding that I too have suffered this.  I have been realizing that this falls short of compassion in that such a view is both self-centered, and does not come with an innate desire to reduce the other person's suffering.

When a desire for relief of suffering existed it was often a desire to relieve the fear and sadness that I felt in the presence of someone else suffering.  This is a quality of codependency, the presence of which I am blessed to have discovered before becoming a nurse. I have no doubt that codependency will come up again in this blog as it is a quality of many nurses and caregivers.  Perhaps the codependency that I see in others will be an area which I can practice mindful compassion which is what I want to write about today.

Through personal therapy, reading, yoga, a great relationship, meditation, and personal reflection the seed of compassion in me has grown.  Interestingly, although I suppose not surprisingly if you know much about psychology, a growing sense of self-love and self-compassion has been the catalyst for exponential growth in my compassion for others.

Everyday can be a struggle to cultivate love and compassion for my own being.  There are many times when I do not feel that I deserve good things, or I feel that only parts of me are desirable and therefore acceptable to others.  However, every time I acknowledge and sit with my own suffering I feel a little better about myself, and in following days I have more compassion for the suffering of those around me.  Complete with a desire to ease their suffering and without a codependent need to reduce their suffering for my own benefit.

What do I mean by increased compassion for those around me?  I mean that when I would perceive a person as being mean to me, or observe someone acting out at someone else, or see people talking poorly about another person I would think "they must be hurting so much to say these things", and immediately look for signs to confirm my suspicion.  With people I knew this was easier because I would often know what was triggering them or what was stressing them out at the time.

As this practice progressed I noticed that sometimes I would not know what the "reasons" were or I judged the reasons as insufficient to elicit such a response.  This began a long process of noticing the same thing in me and the judgements I make about my own thoughts, actions and being.  As I grew to accept the unknowable reasons in myself and the sometimes overwhelming emotion triggered by what I judged to be "insufficiently large" stressors I have grown to accept this in others.

That is where I have been for a few weeks now and I am feeling more compassion for myself and others, but it remains somehow incomplete.  I have a feeling that something is missing and I believe it has to do with a need to have a "reason" whether known, unknown, or unknowable. 

In response to my request for guidance the teacher responded that Great Compassion does indeed go beyond any reasons that may exist.  At its essence is "responding appropriately" to any situation not with a formula for developing compassion, but with a whole body being of compassion.

I will continue my practice of mindfully exploring what arises in me when I encounter suffering in myself and others.  I will continue to cultivate compassion for myself and others through formulas when I am in need of that structure.  And, I will cultivate a practice of "responding appropriately" to situations which call upon my compassionate nature.