The Buddha on Self-Care

If one going down into a river,
swollen and swiftly flowing,
is carried away by the current -
how can one help others across?
- The Buddha in Sutta Nipāta 2.321

When I saw this I had to share.  I have been trying to find the words to express the importance of nurses providing themselves with adequate self-care.  It has been pointed out by professors that this is something that nurses often struggle with, that nurses often have codependent tendencies, and that a lack of self-care leads to burnout and job dissatisfaction.

In my own life I have noticed in the last two years how taking care of my own needs leads to a more fulfilling life in which I am more available to help others.  I also find that I am less tied to specific outcomes and less stressed in general when I act because I want to and not because I think that a specific action will lead to a desirable outcome.

Although I have for years thought that acting (reacting) in this way was compassionate or altruistic the truth as I see it now is that I was reacting selfishly to save myself from suffering.  Many of my reactions were attempts to control the outcome of a situation.

It is my goal to act mindfully and accept that sometimes I can mindfully put my own needs ahead of those of another and trust that they will do the same.  This is empowering to both of us in ways that I did not experience as a youth.  I can see how I will both mindfully act to recognize a desire to control a situation and act out of compassion for myself.

The outcome of reaction and mindful action may look the same on paper (I may take the same action), however, when I have acted mindfully I have not regretted an action, and in some cases I have empowered others in ways reacting does not.

I am vowing to myself to act mindfully as a form of self-care
I am vowing to continue my exploration and implementation of self-care measures in my life.

The Second Noble Truth

Dukkha (suffering) arises

Dukkha does not exist in and of itself, but rather arises from other things.  According to the Buddha there is no such thing as Dukkha that is all pervasive and permanent.  It comes from somewhere.  It can only exist in relation to other things, as a result of other things.  However, dukkha is a permanent and pervasive aspect of a conditioned existence.  This distinction was explored in my discussion of the First Noble Truth.

The Second Noble Truth is that dukkha has a cause.  Buddhism teaches that the causes of dukkha are recognizable, understandable, and can be avoided.  Thich Nhat Hanh uses a great analogy in his book The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching in which he compares our actions to what we consume.  If we eat nutritious food, breath fresh air, enjoy wholesome company, etc we are nourishing our body/mind and it stays healthy and is able to do many wonderful things.  If we ingest toxins from our environment we will become sick and suffer. 

The core of the Second Noble Truth is that suffering has a cause.  By exploring ourselves we can begin to recognize the toxins we ingest that bring about suffering.  We are further able to understand what arises in us that inspires us to take in these things that do more harm than good.  This knowing allows us to make conscious decisions to avoid what causes suffering.  Avoiding the food that feeds suffering leads to the cessation of suffering.  Third and Fourth Noble Truths explore the cessation of suffering.

The First Noble Truth

Dukkha (suffering) is part of conditioned existence

What is Suffering?

Dukkha is a Pali word often translated as suffering.  According to Buddhanet.net (2010) Dukkha encompasses all experiences that are difficult to bear ranging "from extreme physical and mental pain and torment to subtle inner conflicts and existential malaise". 

What is a Conditioned Existence?

Conditioned existence is what we experience everyday.  Conditioning is the lens through which we perceive our world.  It is what reinforces the perception that I am me and that you are you.  An analogy is presented in the first Matrix movie in which the world that Neo thinks is real is actually an illusion created by a computer program. 

At first glance the teaching that life is suffering may seem like a downer.  One may ask why would anyone be interested in something that says, "life sucks"?  This is our conditioned existence speaking.  Conditioning makes the experience of discomfort a "bad" thing.  Life is not synonymous with conditioned existence.

I do not think that I was alone as a child in my thinking that a life free of suffering was possible.  I was pretty sure it would happen when I got my drivers license (that didn't do it).  I remember feeling confident that it would happen sometime during college (it didn't).  At times I thought that rich people had it (they don't).  I think you get the point.

Paradoxically having the notion that a "better" life exists and grasping at experiences that approximate such a life are the very roadblocks that get in the way of living a life free from suffering.  Let me present another example:  As a kid I hated scary movies.  I closed my eyes during the opening scene of Jaws and got so upset that my family had to turn off the movie.  I once called my parents to pick me up from a sleep over during which a bunch of people got shot with a machine gun.  

I remember when Batman the movie came out on VHS.  We rented it and I covered my eyes when my brother's said that a scary part was coming up.  I pictured a scene so horrific that I began crying and feeling nauseous.  My brother stopped the tape, rewound, and made me watch the scene with my eyes open.  The Joker electrocuted some guy and his face melted like wax off his skull.  It was so fake that it made me laugh.  I learned that day that the idea of something is often scarier than the thing itself.

Buddhism presents that dukkha is a part of life as we experience it.  This is not bad news, nor is it good news, it just is.  Sitting with the discomfort that this truth creates has been a powerful experience, and has not been as scary as going through life with eyes closed every time that I saw dukkha on the horizon.

When we recognize and acknowledge our own suffering, the Buddha - which means the Buddha in us - will look at it, discover what has brought it about, and prescribe a course of action that can transform it into peace, joy, and liberation. Suffering is the means the Buddha used to liberate himself, and it is also the means by which we can become free. -Thick Nhat Hanh (1999)

http://www.buddhanet.net/e-learning/8foldpath.htm

Hanh, TN. (1999). The Heart of the Buddha's Teaching. Broadway Books, New York. 

Great Compassion

I attended a Dharma Talk today and was moved during the Q&A that followed to ask for guidance in an aspect of my life that I have been working with intimately for some time now: Compassion. This is a concept that includes both a recognition of suffering in others and a desire to alleviate such suffering.

For a long time I thought that I knew what compassion meant.  To me it was empathy.  It meant understanding that I too have suffered this.  I have been realizing that this falls short of compassion in that such a view is both self-centered, and does not come with an innate desire to reduce the other person's suffering.

When a desire for relief of suffering existed it was often a desire to relieve the fear and sadness that I felt in the presence of someone else suffering.  This is a quality of codependency, the presence of which I am blessed to have discovered before becoming a nurse. I have no doubt that codependency will come up again in this blog as it is a quality of many nurses and caregivers.  Perhaps the codependency that I see in others will be an area which I can practice mindful compassion which is what I want to write about today.

Through personal therapy, reading, yoga, a great relationship, meditation, and personal reflection the seed of compassion in me has grown.  Interestingly, although I suppose not surprisingly if you know much about psychology, a growing sense of self-love and self-compassion has been the catalyst for exponential growth in my compassion for others.

Everyday can be a struggle to cultivate love and compassion for my own being.  There are many times when I do not feel that I deserve good things, or I feel that only parts of me are desirable and therefore acceptable to others.  However, every time I acknowledge and sit with my own suffering I feel a little better about myself, and in following days I have more compassion for the suffering of those around me.  Complete with a desire to ease their suffering and without a codependent need to reduce their suffering for my own benefit.

What do I mean by increased compassion for those around me?  I mean that when I would perceive a person as being mean to me, or observe someone acting out at someone else, or see people talking poorly about another person I would think "they must be hurting so much to say these things", and immediately look for signs to confirm my suspicion.  With people I knew this was easier because I would often know what was triggering them or what was stressing them out at the time.

As this practice progressed I noticed that sometimes I would not know what the "reasons" were or I judged the reasons as insufficient to elicit such a response.  This began a long process of noticing the same thing in me and the judgements I make about my own thoughts, actions and being.  As I grew to accept the unknowable reasons in myself and the sometimes overwhelming emotion triggered by what I judged to be "insufficiently large" stressors I have grown to accept this in others.

That is where I have been for a few weeks now and I am feeling more compassion for myself and others, but it remains somehow incomplete.  I have a feeling that something is missing and I believe it has to do with a need to have a "reason" whether known, unknown, or unknowable. 

In response to my request for guidance the teacher responded that Great Compassion does indeed go beyond any reasons that may exist.  At its essence is "responding appropriately" to any situation not with a formula for developing compassion, but with a whole body being of compassion.

I will continue my practice of mindfully exploring what arises in me when I encounter suffering in myself and others.  I will continue to cultivate compassion for myself and others through formulas when I am in need of that structure.  And, I will cultivate a practice of "responding appropriately" to situations which call upon my compassionate nature.