Projections & Illusions: Part 2

While planning my previous entry (Projections & Illusions: Part 1) it was apparent that at first glance it seems profoundly “unbuddhist” in the sense that it is all about self.  Impermanence, nonself, and nirvana are omnipresent themes in Buddhism known as the Three Dharma Seals.  Although nonself is important, one must be aware of a sense of self before it can be given up as impermanent and illusion.  Impermanence and nonself are intimately linked and there is no understanding one without understanding the other

“When we look deeply into impermanence, we see that things change because causes and conditions change.  When we look deeply into nonself, we see that the existence of every single thing is possible only because of the existence of everything else.  We see that everything is the cause and condition for its existence.  We see that everything else is in it.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

Impermanence is the teaching that things come and go and that nothing lasts forever.  Impermanence is often taught with the analogy of a river.  One can never step in the same river twice.  Our conception that there is a real and permanent river is just a perception, an illusion, a projection.  Buddhism doesn’t teach us to reject the illusion of a river, but to recognize it as an illusion and live our life accordingly.

Nonself is the teaching that our idea of a whole and independent self is a false concept because we are all interdependent.  Nonself can be explored through the following process.  Pick something and ask “What is that?”  A chair is a chair.  Simple enough, now ask again.  A chair, after all is only a chair because that is the name we give to things we sit on.  Is it made of wood?  If so it is also a tree.  A tree is nutrients from the soil, rain from the clouds and energy from the sun.  It is all these things and our conception of it as a chair.  Every chair is also unique in the wood from a particular tree which stood in a particular spot, was cut, moved and milled by particular people and particular machines that are themselves all products of countless other interactions.  The chair is said to be interdependently co-arising because it is interdependent on all these factors for its existence.  A short story by Ram Dass also illustrates nonself:

“There are two waves drifting along in the ocean, one a bit bigger than the other.  The bigger wave suddenly becomes very sad and upset.  The smaller wave asks what's wrong.  ‘You don't want to know,’ the bigger wave says.  ‘What is it?’ the small wave asks.  ‘No - really - it's too terrible.  If you knew what I knew, you'd never be happy.’  The small wave persists.  Finally the big wave explains: ‘You can't see it, but I can see that, not too far from here, all of the waves are crashing on the shore.  We are going to disappear.’  The small wave says, ‘I can make you happy with just six words, but you have to listen very carefully to them.’  The big wave doesn't believe it -- what does the small wave know that he doesn't -- but he's desperate.  After a while of doubting and mocking the small wave, the big wave finally gives in, and asks the small wave to tell him.  And so the small wave says: ‘You're not a wave, you're water.’”

So how does impermanence and nonself relate to “Projections & Illusions: Part 1?”  I used the analogy of a private movie screening to present my insight that we are all projecting and being projected upon.  These projections are interdependently co-arisen.  My own growing sense of self is also an illusion.  Buddhism teaches me not to reject my personal truth, to recognize its impermanence and illusory nature, and to take appropriate action based on my understanding.

Here is a helpful link to more information.

Projections & Illusions

Imagine that you are sitting down in a private movie theater to watch the screening of a new Ken Burns documentary.  The subject of the film is... you.  This silver screen hangs limply at the front of the room waiting for the lights to dim, and the projector is being tinkered with like a classroom A/V cart. 

The film opens at your birth and moves quickly through times before your own memories.  It tugs at the heart strings in ways that only old photographs of family can.  Your first memories hit the screen and you are overcome with how cool it is that a great documentarian has put your life on film.  You see things that you barely remember which sparks images in your mind long hidden or covered in dust. 

It feels odd to see your life through the camera lens, through a different perspective.  The angle is not the way you remember things.  Maybe you think, “I thought the chair was over there,” and “wow our dog was so small, I thought he was bigger.”  Perhaps this is discomfiting, or playful and neat.

For me the movie becomes more confusing as it progresses.  There are a lot of good times presented and I can’t help but smile and cry a little, but the lighting is always different than I remember, the colors are off, and the dialogue is so unclear.  The hard times are shown as well.  Again things are not the way that I remember.  The arguments have no point, my arguments have no point, and I look sadder than I remember.  I am starting to get mad a Ken Burns.  I remember that day vividly and he messed up the shot.  He made me look bad and now it is on film and no one will believe me.

Recent insight sparked this analogy.  It occurs to me that I got the message that my subjective self (my experience through my own eyes) was not seen or understood by those around me.  The truth (my truth) is that I spent a lot of my childhood feeling really alone and misunderstood.  I felt objectified (like an object for others projections).  I felt like the screen at the front of the room.

When I would get into conflicts I often just wanted to be told that I was okay for feeling the way that I was feeling.  That could have been followed with “however we are not allowing you to...”  Maybe I was told this, but I remember being told that I “just wanted to argue,” which was just another projection that felt incongruous to my experience and was therefore more isolating. 

In discussing this insight it was pointed out to me that some people take on the projections of other more easily than others.  I think that I learned to avoid conflict by taking on the projections of others at times.  However, doing so has always induced an uneasy feeling in my gut and I have often isolated myself at times to avoid this feeling. 

As I sit and write our dog is standing at my side.  I am projecting that she is hungry but she cannot communicate clearly just as I couldn’t clearly communicate how lonely I felt.  I project my experience onto others just as often as others' experience is projected onto me.

With this insight I am starting to feel a real shape taking form.  A form which can hold its own in the face of projections.  I think this shape will sit back, relax and laugh with family, friends, and strangers as the film of my life plays out regardless of whose lens is projecting.  It is the present moment in a movie theater with wonderful people that is most important to me now.