I have been asked by a number of people in the past few months if I will continue to write on this blog. The short answer is "Yes!" Here is a longer answer:
A teacher of mine recently shared a story about a time when he was wearing the symbol of Om around his neck. An Indian man came up to him and asked "Do you know what that means?" (I take this to mean "is this another example of cultural appropriation?") My teacher replied, "Yes, this is the symbol Om." The man continued, "Do you know what it means?" To which my teacher replied, "...you know, I always have a hard time putting it into words." The man smiled and said, "Ahh, so you do know."
My experience over the last few months is hard to put into words. I have no doubt that I will return to sharing my thoughts with anyone interested in this blog. Thank you for your patience.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Self and Non-Self
Reviewing Inflammation and Immunity in my Med/Surg textbook this morning I chuckled at the section title "Self and Non-Self" thinking "so different from the Buddhist use of these words." Then I stopped and thought "wait, is that true?"
The terms self and non-self in the textbook are very similar to how we often perceive self and other. In this view we are a solid entity with some permanence until we die. Other is everything else. Foreign proteins are recognized as other and a healthy immune system acts to neutralize the "threat."
Many toxins are not proteins or are not recognized as foreign. Our body does not recognize them as other but they can still do harm to our cells, organs, and bodies. Some harmless foreign proteins trigger an immune response and cause allergies ranging from uncomfortable to life-threatening. Sometimes our bodies own functions are highjacked to propagate more of what caused an infection in the first place. Lastly, sometimes our bodies recognize our own proteins as foreign resulting in autoimmune disorders.
It seems to me that our immune system and our ego function similarly. It serves us well most of the time, but sometimes it misses harmful things because they look familiar, sometimes it is hyperactive and causes more harm than good, sometimes it aids what it is trying to avoid, and sometimes it turns on the self.
When I have asked Buddhist teachers about effective ways to deal with conflict the response is often some form of "work on your self." Buddhism does not teach the shunning of self, but rather a very deep understanding and acceptance of self which leads to the realization that the self is not separate from anything else.
The terms self and non-self in the textbook are very similar to how we often perceive self and other. In this view we are a solid entity with some permanence until we die. Other is everything else. Foreign proteins are recognized as other and a healthy immune system acts to neutralize the "threat."
Many toxins are not proteins or are not recognized as foreign. Our body does not recognize them as other but they can still do harm to our cells, organs, and bodies. Some harmless foreign proteins trigger an immune response and cause allergies ranging from uncomfortable to life-threatening. Sometimes our bodies own functions are highjacked to propagate more of what caused an infection in the first place. Lastly, sometimes our bodies recognize our own proteins as foreign resulting in autoimmune disorders.
It seems to me that our immune system and our ego function similarly. It serves us well most of the time, but sometimes it misses harmful things because they look familiar, sometimes it is hyperactive and causes more harm than good, sometimes it aids what it is trying to avoid, and sometimes it turns on the self.
When I have asked Buddhist teachers about effective ways to deal with conflict the response is often some form of "work on your self." Buddhism does not teach the shunning of self, but rather a very deep understanding and acceptance of self which leads to the realization that the self is not separate from anything else.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Present Action & Future Change
I lay on my back a month ago in a Yin Yoga pose. I was stretching my thighs which have been tight as long as I can remember. Yin has the curious habit of releasing stuck energy in parts of the body and sending this energy as pictures, feelings, emotions, and physical sensations to the brain. In this pose I was overcome with relaxation and release of tension and accompanying positive emotions. I had been having trouble making time for this practice everyday for a few weeks at that point despite knowing that it would feel good and energize me.
Instantly my thoughts turned to "I should do more of this," "I should institutionalize this into my day," "I should make myself get up early every morning and do this before anything else..."
The the irony hit me... By "planning" to take care of myself I moved away from the activity that I was so enjoying. I felt that some of the tension had returned as my thoughts drifted to the future and how I would use tools like schedules and timers to keep me on track and taking care of myself. I am not denying the utility of these tools and the fact that I do and will continue to use them, however, the following occurred to me:
PERHAPS, THE BEST WAY TO CREATE FUTURE ACTION IS TO ACT IN THE DESIRED MANNER PRESENTLY.
It seems obvious to my logical self that getting into patterns of action increase the probability of the action in the future, but there is a difference between knowing something in my head and knowing it in every cell of my body. Laying on the floor I could feel the truth in this thought.
Thich Nhat Hahn speeks of our "habit energies." There is a Zen story about a man riding a galloping horse backwards. A bystander yells after him "where are you going?" to which he replies "I don't know, ask the horse." The horse is our habit energy. Rather than act we often react driven by these energies.
He also describes the seeds that exist in the depths of our unconscious. Seeds for all thoughts and actions exist in each of us. Seeds that are unwholesome such as distrust, betrayal, stealing, etc. reside alongside seeds of love, respect, generosity, and enlightenment. Thich Nhat Hahn describes how we can either water the wholesome seeds or the unwholesome seeds. Watering wholesome seeds takes conscious effort, and the result is in growth of
Since my Yin experience I have been more aware of myriad ways that I act both skillfully (consciously in-line with my values) and unskillfully (runconsciously), and I am noticing the seeds that I am watering with less judgment and less planning for avoiding the actions and thought that cause harm. Instead I find myself catching myself and acting in the present to water the seeds that I want to nourish in the present. I think that may be the most effective way for me to cultivate a life reflective of my values.
I believe that this practice not only helps me, but also benefits those around me and even strangers. This embodies the Buddhist teaching of non-self. No being is truly free until all beings are free. By staying in the present and doing things like Yin I have more energy available to be with others. I saw this in the three mornings that I got up at 4 AM to do Yin before my clinical rotation at the hospital. Although I got an hour less sleep I generally had more energy, learned more, and established closer connection with patients those days. I will close with a version of the Metta Meditation in the spirit of this learning:
Instantly my thoughts turned to "I should do more of this," "I should institutionalize this into my day," "I should make myself get up early every morning and do this before anything else..."
The the irony hit me... By "planning" to take care of myself I moved away from the activity that I was so enjoying. I felt that some of the tension had returned as my thoughts drifted to the future and how I would use tools like schedules and timers to keep me on track and taking care of myself. I am not denying the utility of these tools and the fact that I do and will continue to use them, however, the following occurred to me:
PERHAPS, THE BEST WAY TO CREATE FUTURE ACTION IS TO ACT IN THE DESIRED MANNER PRESENTLY.
It seems obvious to my logical self that getting into patterns of action increase the probability of the action in the future, but there is a difference between knowing something in my head and knowing it in every cell of my body. Laying on the floor I could feel the truth in this thought.
Thich Nhat Hahn speeks of our "habit energies." There is a Zen story about a man riding a galloping horse backwards. A bystander yells after him "where are you going?" to which he replies "I don't know, ask the horse." The horse is our habit energy. Rather than act we often react driven by these energies.
He also describes the seeds that exist in the depths of our unconscious. Seeds for all thoughts and actions exist in each of us. Seeds that are unwholesome such as distrust, betrayal, stealing, etc. reside alongside seeds of love, respect, generosity, and enlightenment. Thich Nhat Hahn describes how we can either water the wholesome seeds or the unwholesome seeds. Watering wholesome seeds takes conscious effort, and the result is in growth of
Since my Yin experience I have been more aware of myriad ways that I act both skillfully (consciously in-line with my values) and unskillfully (runconsciously), and I am noticing the seeds that I am watering with less judgment and less planning for avoiding the actions and thought that cause harm. Instead I find myself catching myself and acting in the present to water the seeds that I want to nourish in the present. I think that may be the most effective way for me to cultivate a life reflective of my values.
I believe that this practice not only helps me, but also benefits those around me and even strangers. This embodies the Buddhist teaching of non-self. No being is truly free until all beings are free. By staying in the present and doing things like Yin I have more energy available to be with others. I saw this in the three mornings that I got up at 4 AM to do Yin before my clinical rotation at the hospital. Although I got an hour less sleep I generally had more energy, learned more, and established closer connection with patients those days. I will close with a version of the Metta Meditation in the spirit of this learning:
May all beings be free
May all beings be happy and healthy
May all beings be safe
And may the many blessings of this practice continue to benefit all beings as I go forward in my day.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Holocaust Patient
Last week I had the experience of working with a patient who left Germany as a teen ager and returned four years later (in 1932) with the Army. I was feeling very tired and really wanted to just take a nap, but when I got back to the unit I got my patient up for a late lunch (he was napping). I straightened the room and noticed a book with a German title and asked if he spoke German and when he left Germany. I asked him if he had ever returned and he said that he had but that it was always hard for him.
As we talked more he became more solemn and said "You know we are part of the animal world but we are the only animals that kill our own kind." I noticed a shift in the conversation and got down on his level and I listened to his story for I don't know how long. I will not share the details of our conversation, but there was intense sharing of pain and opening up on his part and a lot of being present and listening on my part. There were points were I noticed my habit energies wanting to interject, but I was able to stay in the moment with his experience and I believe that we both benefited from this mindfulness.
He shared a lot of pain. Pain that I think really needed the outlet that our conversation afforded. It would have been all too easy to move on or not get down to his level physically, but I believe that having the luxury of time as a student I was able to offer a therapeutic outlet as well as learn a lot myself. After our conversation I took an afternoon break and when I returned I felt such a desire to give him the best few hours that I could. I don't think that I did anything differently, but I felt different. It was a special interaction which I will not forget.
Another reason to remember this man was that I started my first IV on this patient at the end of the shift. Starting an IV feels so "nurse like" in the ways that I viewed nursing a year ago as I started my program. Connecting with a patient as a fellow person and providing a therapeutic outlet for their pain feels so "nurse like" in a different and equally or perhaps more valuable way.
Saturday, May 7, 2011
Sitting with Discomfort
I am dedicating this poem to a friend who helped me out the other day. Thank you Letteria.
Sitting in the Discomfort
Running away,
I cannot see
What is after me is before me
I have not listened for so long
No wonder you look so hurt
No wonder it is painful to face you now
Facing before
Sitting in the discomfort
We are free
Lifelong practice
Habits of being
Present in the perfection of now
Friday, March 4, 2011
The Core
I sat with my levels of pain.
A child laughed and I wanted my childhood back, but safer.
I was having trouble grieving for the loss of that safe childhood, but that cracked it open a bit.
I am judgmental that I feel like my childhood wasn't safe.
I feel like I do not feel safe to be myself, and that this has ben a consistent message, a strategy I used to avoid rocking the boat.
I devalued myself.
I think the tightness/energy in my gut may be the me that doesn't get to be free, creative, alive with choice and energy.
I got the message that power = safety.
I don't feel satisfied knowing this.
I want someone else to hear it or it doesn't feel real.
I don't know why acknowledgement from me is not enough.
I don't think that the only safety I was needing was to be myself.
A child laughed and I wanted my childhood back, but safer.
I was having trouble grieving for the loss of that safe childhood, but that cracked it open a bit.
I am judgmental that I feel like my childhood wasn't safe.
I feel like I do not feel safe to be myself, and that this has ben a consistent message, a strategy I used to avoid rocking the boat.
I devalued myself.
I think the tightness/energy in my gut may be the me that doesn't get to be free, creative, alive with choice and energy.
I got the message that power = safety.
I don't feel satisfied knowing this.
I want someone else to hear it or it doesn't feel real.
I don't know why acknowledgement from me is not enough.
I don't think that the only safety I was needing was to be myself.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Intentions
I recently attended a talk by Dr. Eduardo Duran (http://soulhealing16.com/home). He has been practicing psychology with Native Americans for over 20 years and talked about how his style developed from a western style, which did not work to a style based on and in the culture of the population he serves. The entire talk was amazing and touched on many different areas and I am choosing to only explore two of those areas in this entry.
Dr. Duran talked about language and intention. He pointed out that a major difference between English and most aboriginal languages around the world is the focus on nouns. In English we refer to people as things (e.g. "there is a woman"), while other languages would say "womaning is here." The difference is not just semantics, but rather a frame of mind. Nouns are seen as living entities! Entities with their own life. Therefore, it is no surprise that someone labelled as "woman" is expected to live up to the stereotypes associated by culture with "woman."
This is drastically different from a culture in which a term such as "womaning" is used. In such a context "womaning" is a dynamic state which exists currently while not labeling and therefore limiting the person. He also described the use of nouns to label people in his own practice. If you diagnose and label a person as "depressed" or even "diabetic" that person takes on the label as part of them. The noun becomes a living entity within them. Nouns also have more permanence than verbs and therefore are more persistent through time.
Dr. Duran works with people to "move along" things that are stuck. This wording recognizes the nature of energy which can neither be created or destroyed, but can be transformed. One tool that he uses is looking at intention. An example he gives is alcohol which can be used ritually to bless (eventurning into the blood of God in some traditions). Alcohol can also be used with the intents of forgetting, avoiding, numbing, etc., and in such a context is poison.
I have noticed a shift in intentions in my own life which has been troubling me lately. I did not have a context to put this struggle in, but I believe it is part of what has been blocking my writing lately. One of my major self-care rituals for the last year has been a daily Yin Yoga practice. I have been amazed at the difference in how my body feels, how clear my mind is, how calm I am in stressful situations,and even how steady my handwriting and speed of my reading increase when I have completed this daily ritual. I sleep sounder and generally wake up more rested than I used to.
Originally I thought of this practice as a way to love myself and honor my body. Over the last few months I have missed about one day a week and I have noticed the difference late in the day and the following day. I have described it as returning to what used to be my baseline, except now it is painful and frustrating. It has caused me to be judgmental about missing opportunities to do Yoga and to do the practice for the sake of doing it rather than as a method of intentionally loving myself.
I now see that my attention and intention shifted from self-love and self-care to an intention of avoiding discomfort. The daily Yin practice has never been "easy" and has always represented a challenge, but with this shift in intention the practice has become even harder and less loving. I am confident that I will return to a spirit of self-love and I think that the knowledge gained from Dr. Duran's talk and other recent experiences are invaluable in this pursuit. It is my intention to love myself by refocusing my efforts on loving all the aspects of myself including the part of me that wants to avoid discomfort. I think that my body has a lot to teach me and I am returning to a spirit of listening to what it has to offer.
Dr. Duran talked about language and intention. He pointed out that a major difference between English and most aboriginal languages around the world is the focus on nouns. In English we refer to people as things (e.g. "there is a woman"), while other languages would say "womaning is here." The difference is not just semantics, but rather a frame of mind. Nouns are seen as living entities! Entities with their own life. Therefore, it is no surprise that someone labelled as "woman" is expected to live up to the stereotypes associated by culture with "woman."
This is drastically different from a culture in which a term such as "womaning" is used. In such a context "womaning" is a dynamic state which exists currently while not labeling and therefore limiting the person. He also described the use of nouns to label people in his own practice. If you diagnose and label a person as "depressed" or even "diabetic" that person takes on the label as part of them. The noun becomes a living entity within them. Nouns also have more permanence than verbs and therefore are more persistent through time.
Dr. Duran works with people to "move along" things that are stuck. This wording recognizes the nature of energy which can neither be created or destroyed, but can be transformed. One tool that he uses is looking at intention. An example he gives is alcohol which can be used ritually to bless (eventurning into the blood of God in some traditions). Alcohol can also be used with the intents of forgetting, avoiding, numbing, etc., and in such a context is poison.
I have noticed a shift in intentions in my own life which has been troubling me lately. I did not have a context to put this struggle in, but I believe it is part of what has been blocking my writing lately. One of my major self-care rituals for the last year has been a daily Yin Yoga practice. I have been amazed at the difference in how my body feels, how clear my mind is, how calm I am in stressful situations,and even how steady my handwriting and speed of my reading increase when I have completed this daily ritual. I sleep sounder and generally wake up more rested than I used to.
Originally I thought of this practice as a way to love myself and honor my body. Over the last few months I have missed about one day a week and I have noticed the difference late in the day and the following day. I have described it as returning to what used to be my baseline, except now it is painful and frustrating. It has caused me to be judgmental about missing opportunities to do Yoga and to do the practice for the sake of doing it rather than as a method of intentionally loving myself.
I now see that my attention and intention shifted from self-love and self-care to an intention of avoiding discomfort. The daily Yin practice has never been "easy" and has always represented a challenge, but with this shift in intention the practice has become even harder and less loving. I am confident that I will return to a spirit of self-love and I think that the knowledge gained from Dr. Duran's talk and other recent experiences are invaluable in this pursuit. It is my intention to love myself by refocusing my efforts on loving all the aspects of myself including the part of me that wants to avoid discomfort. I think that my body has a lot to teach me and I am returning to a spirit of listening to what it has to offer.
Monday, February 21, 2011
What is the point of Zazen?
I just received the latest issue of Buddhadharma in the mail. It confirmed a suspicion/fear that I have been holding lately. Arthur Braverman's piece on the teachings of Kosho Uchiyama Roshi gives an example of a thought shared by many (myself included).
"I once practiced zazen and felt clear-headed and I want to experience that feeling again."
Zazen is the practice of sitting with what arises. It is what is going on in pictures of seated monks with good posture. Sometimes what arises are feelings of peace, calm, clarity. Other times the brain will not be quiet and tangential thoughts are the norm. I have often heard it taught that when this happens one can just notice that one is thinking (because that is what is arising at the moment) and return to the center. This is often immediately followed by another thought. I remember one teacher saying "Your brain may only be quiet for 2 seconds during the entire sitting, and that is okay."
The reason that is okay is because that is what is arising at the moment. The practice is to be deeply present in the present moment. However, there is often in my experience a grasping at clarity, stillness, peace. This is coupled with thoughts of "doing it wrong" when thoughts arise. I can laugh at these "negative" thoughts about doing it wrong because they are what is present and to label them as negative is just funny because all they really are is that "they are." They exist in the mind and are illusions in reality.
So what is the fear that was confirmed by this article? That the "right way" to meditate (the way that feels good and clear) is no more "right" than feeling like crap because nothing seems to be going right. It is a challenge to sit with the feelings that arise from bills, not enough money, too little time, too much reading, unclear assignments, etc.
Zen teaches that these things are just illusions after all. However, it is spiritual bypass to say that these things are just illusion and forget about them, and it is incomplete knowledge to cling to what feels good but is equally illusory. That is the part that I am having trouble with now. Feelings of peace, calm, and clarity, are just as fleeting as moments of sadness and fear. Grasping is the route of suffering in Buddhism, and to grasp at "positive" feelings and to avoid "negative" feelings (also a form of grasping) does not allow a person to live in the present. These tactics are ALWAYS based on the future. They are ways to avoid feeling differently or to feel differently in the future. They are ways that we cling to what is "positive" and run from what is "negative," and in the process rob ourselves of the present. The present is all there is.
"I once practiced zazen and felt clear-headed and I want to experience that feeling again."
Zazen is the practice of sitting with what arises. It is what is going on in pictures of seated monks with good posture. Sometimes what arises are feelings of peace, calm, clarity. Other times the brain will not be quiet and tangential thoughts are the norm. I have often heard it taught that when this happens one can just notice that one is thinking (because that is what is arising at the moment) and return to the center. This is often immediately followed by another thought. I remember one teacher saying "Your brain may only be quiet for 2 seconds during the entire sitting, and that is okay."
The reason that is okay is because that is what is arising at the moment. The practice is to be deeply present in the present moment. However, there is often in my experience a grasping at clarity, stillness, peace. This is coupled with thoughts of "doing it wrong" when thoughts arise. I can laugh at these "negative" thoughts about doing it wrong because they are what is present and to label them as negative is just funny because all they really are is that "they are." They exist in the mind and are illusions in reality.
So what is the fear that was confirmed by this article? That the "right way" to meditate (the way that feels good and clear) is no more "right" than feeling like crap because nothing seems to be going right. It is a challenge to sit with the feelings that arise from bills, not enough money, too little time, too much reading, unclear assignments, etc.
Zen teaches that these things are just illusions after all. However, it is spiritual bypass to say that these things are just illusion and forget about them, and it is incomplete knowledge to cling to what feels good but is equally illusory. That is the part that I am having trouble with now. Feelings of peace, calm, and clarity, are just as fleeting as moments of sadness and fear. Grasping is the route of suffering in Buddhism, and to grasp at "positive" feelings and to avoid "negative" feelings (also a form of grasping) does not allow a person to live in the present. These tactics are ALWAYS based on the future. They are ways to avoid feeling differently or to feel differently in the future. They are ways that we cling to what is "positive" and run from what is "negative," and in the process rob ourselves of the present. The present is all there is.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Nursing Ethics
I am excited to be back in classes for the Spring semester, and inspired by my reading last night which matches closely with my understanding of Buddhism. Three paragraphs discussed the "three basic ethical principles of nursing": Respect for a persons right to self-determination, beneficence, and justice.
Self Determination: Treat patients as autonomous individuals capable of making their own decisions. My fiancee recently described working with a parent who was trying to get their child to stop playing with water. I was impressed with her ability to hold the parent's point of view as well as the child's in the interaction that followed. My reaction to hearing the situation was "I would have been like, 'it is okay if they play with water, we can clean it up later." However, such a response would have undermined the parent's authority and potentially confused the child if there is an expectation around such play that will be enforced when the child is not in that setting. Likewise, patients have different frames of reference from my own and it is not only counterproductive to impose my beliefs on them but also disruptive to their health and overall well being. Buddhism takes the long-view. The Buddha was enlightened some 2500 years ago and set out to "save all beings," however he did not exhaust himself trying to force people to accept one "way" of doing things. In one story he sits in silence as a learned man sits and questions him, finally leaving convinced that the Buddha is a sham and has nothing to offer. When asked why he was silent by his disciples the Buddha replied that the man didn't really want to hear he just wanted to argue. It was not appropriate to teach what would not be heard.
Beneficence: Work for the benefit of the patient. This includes the axiom "first, do no harm" common among doctors, and includes a wider sphere of active participation in ensuring the patient's well-being. I can see how the art of nursing becomes important as potential conflicts exist between my personal and cultural norms and standards and the patient's right to self determination. I am beginning to see my role as educator and advocate as potentially more fluid and dynamic than I thought. Perhaps each patient brings a new frame of reference and boundaries within which my work to benefit a patient is somewhat constrained. I say "somewhat" because I think it is also my role to explore these boundaries with patients and push to expand them where appropriate.
Justice: Treat all patients equally and fairly. I referred to this in an earlier entry in which I saw the orange jumpsuit of prison patients as a kind of meditation bell. A reminder to slow down and give the best care possible regardless of cultural learning that disregards prison populations, lower social classes, and minorities in general. A number of readings in my program have also highlighted the role of nurses not only in their care settings but also in their communities. This is a very Buddhist teaching. If a problem exists in a community or nation that manifests as a recurring problem in a healthcare setting it is the nurses role to address the larger issue and not just treat the manifestation in the healthcare setting. Cardiovascular disease among African-Americans, the obesity epidemic, low levels of health education... These are areas that can be addressed both in the microsystem of bedside or outpatient care as well as through advocacy, research, democracy, community involvement, mentoring, etc.
I am looking forward with beginners eyes and eagerness to develop my professional practice. When I started this program I was excited by the calls from my teachers to view our profession as fluid and full of continuous learning. I don't think that I will ever be "done" as a nurse. That is one of the most exciting things about this profession.
Self Determination: Treat patients as autonomous individuals capable of making their own decisions. My fiancee recently described working with a parent who was trying to get their child to stop playing with water. I was impressed with her ability to hold the parent's point of view as well as the child's in the interaction that followed. My reaction to hearing the situation was "I would have been like, 'it is okay if they play with water, we can clean it up later." However, such a response would have undermined the parent's authority and potentially confused the child if there is an expectation around such play that will be enforced when the child is not in that setting. Likewise, patients have different frames of reference from my own and it is not only counterproductive to impose my beliefs on them but also disruptive to their health and overall well being. Buddhism takes the long-view. The Buddha was enlightened some 2500 years ago and set out to "save all beings," however he did not exhaust himself trying to force people to accept one "way" of doing things. In one story he sits in silence as a learned man sits and questions him, finally leaving convinced that the Buddha is a sham and has nothing to offer. When asked why he was silent by his disciples the Buddha replied that the man didn't really want to hear he just wanted to argue. It was not appropriate to teach what would not be heard.
Beneficence: Work for the benefit of the patient. This includes the axiom "first, do no harm" common among doctors, and includes a wider sphere of active participation in ensuring the patient's well-being. I can see how the art of nursing becomes important as potential conflicts exist between my personal and cultural norms and standards and the patient's right to self determination. I am beginning to see my role as educator and advocate as potentially more fluid and dynamic than I thought. Perhaps each patient brings a new frame of reference and boundaries within which my work to benefit a patient is somewhat constrained. I say "somewhat" because I think it is also my role to explore these boundaries with patients and push to expand them where appropriate.
Justice: Treat all patients equally and fairly. I referred to this in an earlier entry in which I saw the orange jumpsuit of prison patients as a kind of meditation bell. A reminder to slow down and give the best care possible regardless of cultural learning that disregards prison populations, lower social classes, and minorities in general. A number of readings in my program have also highlighted the role of nurses not only in their care settings but also in their communities. This is a very Buddhist teaching. If a problem exists in a community or nation that manifests as a recurring problem in a healthcare setting it is the nurses role to address the larger issue and not just treat the manifestation in the healthcare setting. Cardiovascular disease among African-Americans, the obesity epidemic, low levels of health education... These are areas that can be addressed both in the microsystem of bedside or outpatient care as well as through advocacy, research, democracy, community involvement, mentoring, etc.
I am looking forward with beginners eyes and eagerness to develop my professional practice. When I started this program I was excited by the calls from my teachers to view our profession as fluid and full of continuous learning. I don't think that I will ever be "done" as a nurse. That is one of the most exciting things about this profession.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
New Years Wedding
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson (often attributed to Nelson Mandela)This reading was shared at a wedding I recently attended. It has been a touchstone for me since then and I find myself returning to it for strength. The other day I thought "it would be easier for me to do this if I had known someone else to have done it." Then this quote popped up and I thought, "If I do this I can be that example for someone else." That was hugely self-empowering.
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