I sat with my levels of pain.
A child laughed and I wanted my childhood back, but safer.
I was having trouble grieving for the loss of that safe childhood, but that cracked it open a bit.
I am judgmental that I feel like my childhood wasn't safe.
I feel like I do not feel safe to be myself, and that this has ben a consistent message, a strategy I used to avoid rocking the boat.
I devalued myself.
I think the tightness/energy in my gut may be the me that doesn't get to be free, creative, alive with choice and energy.
I got the message that power = safety.
I don't feel satisfied knowing this.
I want someone else to hear it or it doesn't feel real.
I don't know why acknowledgement from me is not enough.
I don't think that the only safety I was needing was to be myself.
