Present Action & Future Change

I lay on my back a month ago in a Yin Yoga pose.  I was stretching my thighs which have been tight as long as I can remember.  Yin has the curious habit of releasing stuck energy in parts of the body and sending this energy as pictures, feelings, emotions, and physical sensations to the brain.  In this pose I was overcome with relaxation and release of tension and accompanying positive emotions.  I had been having trouble making time for this practice everyday for a few weeks at that point despite knowing that it would feel good and energize me.

Instantly my thoughts turned to "I should do more of this,"  "I should institutionalize this into my day,"  "I should make myself get up early every morning and do this before anything else..."

The the irony hit me... By "planning" to take care of myself I moved away from the activity that I was so enjoying.  I felt that some of the tension had returned as my thoughts drifted to the future and how I would use tools like schedules and timers to keep me on track and taking care of myself.  I am not denying the utility of these tools and the fact that I do and will continue to use them, however, the following occurred to me:

PERHAPS, THE BEST WAY TO CREATE FUTURE ACTION IS TO ACT IN THE DESIRED MANNER PRESENTLY.

It seems obvious to my logical self that getting into patterns of action increase the probability of the action in the future, but there is a difference between knowing something in my head and knowing it in every cell of my body.  Laying on the floor I could feel the truth in this thought.

Thich Nhat Hahn speeks of our "habit energies."  There is a Zen story about a man riding a galloping horse backwards.  A bystander yells after him "where are you going?" to which he replies "I don't know, ask the horse."  The horse is our habit energy.  Rather than act we often react driven by these energies.

He also describes the seeds that exist in the depths of our unconscious.  Seeds for all thoughts and actions exist in each of us.  Seeds that are unwholesome such as distrust, betrayal, stealing, etc. reside alongside seeds of love, respect, generosity, and enlightenment.  Thich Nhat Hahn describes how we can either water the wholesome seeds or the unwholesome seeds.  Watering wholesome seeds takes conscious effort, and the result is  in growth of

Since my Yin experience I have been more aware of myriad ways that I act both skillfully (consciously in-line with my values) and unskillfully (runconsciously), and I am noticing the seeds that I am watering with less judgment and less planning for avoiding the actions and thought that cause harm.  Instead I find myself catching myself and acting in the present to water the seeds that I want to nourish in the present.  I think that may be the most effective way for me to cultivate a life reflective of my values.

I believe that this practice not only helps me, but also benefits those around me and even strangers.  This embodies the Buddhist teaching of non-self.  No being is truly free until all beings are free.  By staying in the present and doing things like Yin I have more energy available to be with others.  I saw this in the three mornings that I got up at 4 AM to do Yin before my clinical rotation at the hospital.  Although I got an hour less sleep I generally had more energy, learned more, and established closer connection with patients those days.  I will close with a version of the Metta Meditation in the spirit of this learning:

May all beings be free

May all beings be happy and healthy

May all beings be safe

And may the many blessings of this practice continue to benefit all beings as I go forward in my day.